Can you believe that we are all connected to Source Energy, can you trust that the Universe really is working to bring you the life that you desire, can you let go and trust that you really are being looked after in a way that you can’t even begin to imagine? I understand why so many people can’t fully fathom these truths. I understand why its so easy to need to plan, think and control every aspect your life so that you feel like your in some kind of control. I get that when things keep going wrong its almost impossible to believe that there is a GOD, and there is a bigger reason for the suffering you have endured.
I have questioned all of it, I have wanted to be a non-believer, I have longed to wallow in my pain and suffering and I have come close to taking my life because I could not see a way out. But the thing is, as much as I have hurt, as hard as its all been, I know that there is a force within me that many may not understand or comprehend. Its a knowing – so strong that there is no way I can run from it, no way that I can betray it. It is God within, guiding me, strengthening me, and showing me that I have never been alone.
But it has taken a very long time to fully trust, to fully surrender, to fully understand. I have been dedicated- almost without even realising- to fulfilling this destiny that God has given me and is so entwined within me. It is not something that is seperate from me- it is me. I didn’t just wake up one morning and think ‘I’m really going to trust the Universe, I’m going to start believing that what Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, & Oprah say must be the truth’. And while they certainly opened my eyes and led me to fully comprehend what can happen when you align with the magic of the Universe, the reality is I already had this truth within me. I knew without even realising I knew.
I knew 13 years ago when I felt the emptiness in my marriage, I knew when I left various jobs because I felt so unfulfilled, I knew when I chose not to jump into relationships with men that really liked me (even when I had been single for a really long time), I knew every time something went wrong in my life and I especially knew when I had my breakdown and struggled for 3 years with chronic illness and depression. I just knew that the emptiness and longing for more was something that would eventually go- I just hadn’t realised that the answer was to turn inwards.
Had I not stayed true to myself and followed my intuition, had I of listened to the fear and the logical reasoning of my mind, had I of stayed living my life the way I thought I was ‘supposed’ to because I didn’t want to hurt anyone or let anyone down then I believe that this knowing would have faded. I have stayed dedicated to this knowing that there is a power much bigger than you or I could even begin to understand. I have stayed dedicated because the other option would have destroyed me more. I have stayed dedicated because I know I am here to Serve, I have stayed dedicated because it is the only thing I really know how to do.