So you feel like your right on the brink of a break through. You’ve been doing all of the right things- working on yourself, expressing gratitude, meditating, eating right, trusting and following your intuition, and dedicating yourself to a new way of being. It feels like your edging closer to achieving the very thing you want MORE THAN ANYTHING. You know your not doing it for any other reason then you know its what you came here to do. You can feel the change within you and around you. You’re inner dialogue tells you that you are about to manifest the life that you know you can have and that miracles are about to happen. You know its time – you’re closer than you’ve ever been before.
And then – whoosh out of nowhere- your dealt with a blow, perhaps even several all at once. And just like that your certainty is gone only to be replaced with doubt, fear and anger. Your beautiful inner dialogue suddenly switches to ‘ARE YOU SERIOUS, IS THIS EVER GOING TO HAPPEN, WHAT AM I DOING WRONG, I’VE BEEN SO PATIENT, I THOUGHT I WAS ON TRACK’.
And just like that your back questioning EVERYTHING. Your angry at yourself, at your life, and mostly your angry at GOD- for making it so hard. You begin to question yourself, your life, your intuition. You loose faith that there is even any such thing as Universal Guidance, and you want to crawl deep back into the ‘It doesn’t really work, it’s a load of rubbish, I feel like an idiot’. But most of all you get down on yourself and the self doubt and the self loathing can quickly begin to erode that self assurance you had only 5 minutes ago.
But it is here, when you know your so close, when you know your on the brink, when you know you’ve done the work but to others it looks like your still so far away, that you must resist the urge to fall into the belief that the very thing you want is actually never going to happen. This is when the voices of all of the people that made you doubt yourself and questioned when you were going to go back to ‘normal’ life fill your head. This is when the fear, doubt and questioning begins and it is here that every single thing that has ever gone wrong in your life flashes before you. It is here, when you are the closest you have ever been to wanting to give up, that you must pull out every singe trick that you have learnt along the way.
Feel the disappointment, let the rage and anger rush through your body, don’t try to drown them out with positivity. Listen to the fear stories that are bombarding you, yell, scream, cry. FEEL IT ALL .. and then pause.
Pause to remember that God doesn’t give you anything to punish you. It feels like punishment but really God is making sure your ready. Its a test to see if you will give up, its a test to make sure all of the doubts are really gone, its a final clearing to show that you are ready to Serve and do what it is you came here to do. There will be many more tests along the way, but none more important than this.
This is the time (when your right on the brink of a break through/ a miracle) when you have to keep the faith more than ever. This is the time when you have to show your dedication, show how much you have grown, how faithful you remain, how committed you are to fulfilling your purpose. This is when you fill your mind, your inner dialogue with love and support for yourself (instead of beating yourself up or falling into blame), this is when you thank God for the lessons and tell him that you are ready, this is when you clear out everything you no longer need to live the rest of your life manifesting and expecting miracles. This is not the time for doubt and fear to win, this is the time for faith and love to rule. This is the time when you have to back yourself like you never have before – at the very time you think you want to throw it all in.
Your not being punished, your being guided into the new. It’s probably not working out the way you thought it would but its a timely reminder to surrender, to let go of control, to trust that God has it organised. All you have to do is believe.