If there’s one thing I’ve had to learn over the past 3 years its letting go and learning to trust. There’s so many reasons why this is near impossible. EGO tells us to control, plan, cling, hold on to the stories and the fear based reasons as to why we can never have the life that we want. That little bit of inner doubt is the very thing that stops us from manifesting the life that is waiting for us.
When I look back and reflect on how the last three years have played out it is blatantly obvious that I have been protected by a force much bigger than myself. At the worst time in my life, when everything had fallen apart, when I had fallen apart, the Universe was making sure I was okay. But it would have been easy to miss these miracles because I was so caught up in the reality of loosing my old life. It could have been so much worse than what it was and these little things that could have gone unnoticed kept me in a constant state of gratitude. I had to see the little blessings amongst the chaos and heartbreak.
I sold a house exactly when I was about to run out of money, I found the right treatment centre to go to when I started to believe that I had run out of options, money appeared when I needed to relocate, pay for treatment and buy the supplements that I needed. When I was at a low point and not making any progress with my treatment I found a new health practitioner out of the blue, when I was at my absolute lonliest I met a special soul in a health food shop who has become one of my closest friends. When I was frustrated and missing my family my sister suddenly decided to relocate- she got a transfer for work and we found the perfect house to live in together all in the space of 4 weeks. When I left my laptop on the roof of the car one rainy night I was amazed when it continued to work and I didn’t lose all of my photos and writing (I’m still using it 2 years later), whenever I was down to no money I had a special person that helped me out without any judgement or conditions. Whenever I really needed to see my kids the universe conspired to make it happen. There were so many little miracles along the way that I can’t help but feel so blessed and so appreciative.
I can now fully accept and understand that God is in charge and always has been. Getting to this stage of fully trusting and believing has been incredibly difficult. The lower energies of ego want me to try to control everything in my life, it wants me to try and figure it all out in my head, to plan it perfectly. It wants me to fret and worry and not believe that there is any such thing as Universal guidance and support. But when I am aligned with Source, when I listen and act on my intuition and do the things that are right for my higher good, when I turn to love and trust that I will always be okay no matter what happens, when I live in a constant state of appreciation, when I make the decision to never betray myself by listening deep within then I know I have nothing to worry about.
I have no resistance in knowing that my life is about to change, and that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. The fear, doubt and constant questioning (‘but how?’) have been replaced with a knowing that is so strong that it comes from deep within. I know without a doubt that miracles are occurring all around me and I graciously open my arms to receive the blessings that I am worthy of.
God had a plan for me, something much bigger than I could ever see. I always knew there was something more, I always knew I had a specific job to do, I always knew the heartache and the suffering was going to make me into the person I longed to be. But I could never have imagined that I would be where I am now, feeling the way that I feel, knowing what I know, loving with such force, living with such inspiration and passion.
There was always a small part of me that was full of skepticism, where I couldn’t quite believe and trust. There was always a little bit of fear, but mostly there was always self doubt- that I could really do what I’ve always wanted to do.The natural urge was always to try and stay safe, to convince myself that there were too many obstacles in the way, to believe all of the reasons why it would never work. I wasted so much time and energy on trying to plan and control my life in my head, when I had the option to let go and enjoy life more. Before and during my breakdown I could never fully believe that the universe really did have my back, but now- after- I know it better than I know anything else.
I know I’m going to be okay, better than okay. And I know that if you are reading this and feeling like you can begin to believe that you are supported by the Universe, I know that you are going to okay as well.