When I think back and remember all of the things I did to make a full recovery, I find myself overwhelmed, because there were so many things I did. I don’t ever want to make it sound as though making a full recovery from mental illness and returning to Source Energy (the truth of who I am) was easy. I know that when I was in the grips of deep dark depression and constant anxiety the idea that I could ‘get out’ seemed preposterous. And in fact- the sheer belief that recovery might be a possibility made me feel like an even bigger failure. I would think ‘ I really am a looser, there’s no way I can get out of this, maybe other people can but I’m not strong enough. I’m in too deep’. I would then fall even deeper into the bleakness.
I was living in a constant state of FEAR, everything and everyone was a threat. And the more I tried to work things out in my head and to hold onto some form of control in my life, the more agitated and frustrated I became. It felt like I was being punished, it felt like everyone was talking about me and laughing behind my back, and it felt like everyone else had perfect lives and I was the only person in the world that was screwing up. What I couldn’t yet see or even begin to fathom, was that behind this crashing collapse where my whole life had fallen apart was actually the beginning of a major miracle.
I know for many of you, the very idea that pain and suffering can in fact be a blessing is probably too much to bare. But stick with me, because the alternative of going back into survival mode and continuing to do the things the old way I suspect for many of you is no longer an option. What I know for certain is that almost every single time in my life where I have struggled -whether it be because of my marriage breakdown, a betrayal from a friend or lover, facing redundancy, the death of a loved one, a situation where someone treated me in ways that I didn’t deserve, a complete breakdown- I have come out a stronger, more resilient person with a firmer idea of the type of person I wish to be and how it is I want to live my life. These struggles have not been a curse, they have been the catalyst I needed for me to find ways to grow and evolve into the person I am destined to become.
I’m not saying that we deserve to go through the heartbreaks or that we are supposed to suffer ( I now know that I was energetically attracting so many of these hard situations I found myself in) but if we refuse or are unable to grow and evolve from the hard things in our life we will likely find ourselves repeating past mistakes. But most of all we will begin to live our lives guarded, hardened and trying to protect ourselves from any more harm and in doing so we will turn from the very thing that we are all here for – LOVE.
So my wish, for you today, if you choose to take these words, to turn away from the lower energies of EGO (that try to convince you that you will never recover or the only option is to self harm or suicide) and instead choose to return to LOVE. Use these words so that they may provide you some relief, and give you the reminder that you are not doing this yourself. You always have support and guidance if you so choose to be open to the possibility. Start your journey of healing here with this simple sentence, say it as many times as you need to, say it in whichever way feels right for you;
‘Thankyou Universe for leading me here, I am open and ready to receive your help, please guide me to what it is I need to know’.
Immediately you will return to LOVE, you will reconnect with your inner wisdom and you will release the grip of fear that has been holding on to you so tightly. You are not broken, you are not alone, and you are not a failure. You are a beautiful spiritual being with so much to give, you can feel ‘normal’ (better than normal!), you can do the things that you want to do, you can live the life you so desire. You can and you will find your way back- to you. Find some stillness, in whatever way feels right for you- lying on your bed, walking, listening to gentle music, meditating, gardening, swimming, sitting under the shower or in the bath, going to the beach- and wait for the answers to appear. Resist the urge to over think and instead breathe, come back into your body and when you find the stillness, when you stop searching and over analysing you will know what it is you need to do next. It will be the thing that comes from deep within, that you have been trying to outrun, ignore or put up with. And it will be the thing that probably scares you more than anything else. You don’t have to do anything for now, except listen and become aware. You will know when its time to act. You have all of the answers within you, you always have and you always will.