I now know there is another way. Another way of living, and feeling. I’ve done both – the hard way full of struggle, heartache, fighting, feeling alone, going around in the never ending cycle of life wondering when things are finally going to fall into place. Falling into the rut of complacency (work/kids/mortgage/drinking), feeling misunderstood and that I didn’t belong in this world, feeling that nobody really ‘got’ who I was and what I had been through, believing that I was cursed and constantly being punished.
But now I know better. Now I know that there is such a thing as Universal support and guidance, that GOD is real, that each of us are here to live the life we have always dreamed about, that each of us are here to experience the JOY OF BEING ALIVE. Now I know that every experience we go through is preparing us in some way to become the person that we always were (before everyone told us how we should be), every single thing that happens to us is so that we can grow and evolve back into LOVE, back into our own truth. back into who we were always supposed to be. We get to choose..always. We can choose to stay in the same cycle, attracting the same experiences, living in the same mindset OR, we can choose differently. We can choose to believe that there is another way, a better way, our way, GODS WAY.
My focus now is simple. To feel as good as I can possibly feel, to be in complete alignment with Source and to attract the experiences that will see me fulfilling my highest potential. I know that the Universe holds the reigns, I know that I’m not in control, I know that my only job is to live the way I really want to and let go of the rubbish that weighs me down (comparison, doubt, whining, holding on to grief and anger, illness, resentment, guilt, shame, caring about what others think and buying into the fear that I’m not good enough). Instead I choose to focus on what actually matters; love, joy, appreciation, trust and listening to the deep wisdom within me (instead of the voice of fear). I don’t need to do anything else, I can sit steady knowing that God has me exactly where he wants me.
I’m in this place now, a place I’ve never before been, not really knowing what is coming next but having absolute faith and trust that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. I’m so far out of my comfort zone it seems almost ridiculous, but I’m also more ME than I’ve ever been before. FULL HEART, calm, present, at peace. I sense who it is I can be, but I also know I am already her. The answers are so clear; who am I, what matters, how do I want to be, how do I want to move through my life, how do I wish to spend my time, why am I here, what has this been all about? Its all so clear, I know the answers innately. There is no internal hustle, no busting myself, no beating myself up, no daily gind of trying to make it all work the way I think it should, no trying to plan and control. Just trusting, just believing, just being present, just feeling great.
I’m here in this beautiful peaceful place, because I fell apart. Because I had a breakdown, because my whole life fell apart, because nobody knew what was wrong with me, because I have known immense pain, because people have hurt me in so many ways, because I had severe depression, anxiety and a long list of labels that were supposed to dictate the remainder of my life. I’m here because the worst thing that I thought could ever happen to me, happened.
I found a way through it, to the other side, to a world I never knew existed. I found my way through because I refused to believe that there was no way out, because I refused to carry the pain of my past with me, because I refused to believe that I was only ever going to know grief and despair. I found it through because I trusted something deep within me, I did the work when all I wanted to do was die, I stayed dedicated to myself when I hated myself like I never had before, I held on to the ‘bigger’ vision when I was completely alone and could no longer get out of bed. I made it through because I faced the darkness instead of trying to escape it. I made it through because I REALISED THAT I ACTUALLY MATTERED. Greatly, to myself and to GOD. I made it through in to a new way of being that I had always believed was possible. I made it through. So that I can live the way GOD always intended me to live. I made it through so I could show you that you can too.
Can that be enough for you to now ask yourself a new question? Can you allow yourself to open up to a new possibility, a new way of being? Are you willing to let go of the old way, the old story, the old pain that tells you your forever stuck and trapped. Can you surrender to something new? The belief that YOU are really worth fighting for. YOU ARE, I BELIEVE IT WITH ALL OF MY HEART, I JUST NEED YOU TO BELIEVE IT AS WELL.