At the end of last week something really tragic happened. One of my sons school friends was involved in a car accident that took her life. On Monday, on the day my son turned 18, on the day that he has been looking forward to and counting down for months he gathered at school with the rest of his year group to attend a ceremony organised by the school. Afterwards he and his friends got really drunk and later that afternoon when he came to see me he cried as I held him, he cried trying to explain how he was feeling, he cried relaying the events that had occurred. Later I cried at the loss of this young girls life, I cried because my son was hurting so much and I cried because as much as I understand why God does what he does- sometimes it is just too much for me to comprehend.
I know that there are no mistakes, I know there is a higher purpose behind what happened, I know that the passing of this beautiful sweet girl to the non physical world would have been filled with absolute love and light, but still it hurt. And when I woke up the next day I was ANGRY. Angry at God, angry at the circumstances that surrounded the accident, angry that a good family were going through unbearable pain and anguish, angry that this could have a negative impact on my son. I stayed angry for hours until I remembered that I was allowed to be angry. That I was supposed to feel it, that it was okay to feel everything I was feeling. And when I felt and confronted what was underneath this anger (my fear), this anger suddenly disappeared and replacing it was the greatest feeling of love. I made the choice not to get stuck in the anger, not to run from my anger and not to numb it out. I confronted it head on knowing that if I continued to resist it, it would only persist.
And then afterwards, I wrote a Prayer to the Principal of the school. From my heart and with the knowledge that the Yr 12 students, teachers, family, and community now have the ability (when they are ready) to see the World through a much different light if they so choose. Through this cruel and unexpected pain many people now have the ability to make a choice- to awaken and to step into a new way of seeing things- knowing they are blessed and supported by Universal power, knowing that they themselves are connected to Source. That is the legacy of death, that is the legacy of this young girl. God is using her for a mighty important role and while it will not make sense to many of us, almost begrudgingly it makes perfect sense to me. And while a part of me wants to buy into the stories of ‘It’s so unfair’, ‘what a waste’, ‘why did this happen’, ‘that could have been my son’, & ‘how could there be a God when things like this happen?’ – I know with all honesty it will only keep me trapped. And thats not what this girl sacrificed her life for.
I’m sharing the prayer I wrote. For anyone trying to make sense of something harsh and hard that is happening in your life please know that I am sending my love to you. Please know that God is within you giving you strength and courage so that you can find your way through. Please know there is always an opportunity to look at the hardest moments of our life through a new lens.
Fill us with the strength and courage to help us understand and process the deep emotions that come with our friend ………. passing. Remind us that it is okay to question our faith during this time, to try and understand why you have called upon ……. so soon. Help us to make sense of the events of the past week as many of us are now looking at the world in a very different way. Remind us that everything we are feeling – the anger, the sadness, the disbelief and the resentment are completely normal, we are allowed to feel these emotions and find ways to work our way through them. Guide us gently through this pain that each of us is feeling. Allow us to question why …….. was taken so soon, and empower us to find ways to make peace with what has happened.
God remind us that while it is perfectly normal to feel everything that we are feeling, help us to also remember that we always have a choice. An opportunity to look at things through a different lens. And while it seems easy to stay stuck in the unfairness of …….. passing, please remind us that ……. transition back to the non physical world was not in vain, that perhaps we can begin to view her passing as something of a legacy. A gift from her to us. An opportunity to take note of our own lives, and the way that we live. Perhaps we have been given a gentle reminder to be kinder to each other, to show more compassion and understanding to ourselves, our parents, teachers, siblings and each other. Perhaps we can learn to move a little slower, to take the time for each other, to focus on what really matters, and to find more clarity in how it is we really want to live our life.
Show us how to unite, how to come together in our grief, and support ourselves and each other. Help us to remember that each of us will deal with this in our own unique way. Many of us have had little experience with death; some of us have had a lot. Either way we have been led to question our own mortality, our own story of why we are here. We now understand that life can change in a second.
Allow our minds not to dwell on the ‘what if’s’ or the ‘it could have been me’ scenarios and instead fill our minds with gratitude and the reminder that the only time we really have is now. Help us to stay present and appreciate the moment we are in. Help us to be more loving and patient with those around us, help us to understand that when others are hurting we do not need to fix, we need only to love. Let this be ………. legacy to us.
And lastly God remind us that you and your love are within each and every one of us and no matter how much we are hurting we are never alone. You are providing strength for us, for …….. family, for each of our teachers and for our community. Whenever we are hurting and feeling alone you have the power to fill us with your love, strength and courage to feel what we need to feel, to help pick ourselves up and to make the right choices that will move us to become the people that you intended us to be. We know you are keeping our ……. safe, we know she is surrounded by the deepest love available, she is free of pain and is experiencing only love, joy and beauty. Remind us that we too have the opportunity to live our lives this way.